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December 21, 2007
A few days ago my step sister called with news that my step mom was at University Hospital in Cleveland. The intense clinical trial to treat her cancer is not helping and our dear Cyndy has taken a turn for the worse. This came as a shock as we all have been very optimistic that she may beat this second round of cancer. But now it’s touch and go and I’m awaiting “the call” and breathing prayers constantly. I was able to talk to her on the phone, but the voice on the other end was very weak and slurred.
It’s so hard to focus and concentrate. I keep having to stop and think hard about what it is I’m supposed to be doing at the moment. I go to a room and forget what I’m looking for. I stare at the computer and forget what job document I’m opening…Oh, Lord, please don’t let her die…not at Christmas. Then there’s my poor dad who is by her side trying to stay positive but loosing hope. It’s all very complicated and a very long story, but I pray for him too. He needs supernatural strength. My dad is like me only worse….we have very lopsided right brains. He’s an artist too. My parents met at the Cleveland Art Institute in the ’60s. Their rocky marriage lasted almost five years and there was a lot of trauma. We’ve all made amends over the years, but my dad is still “MY DAD” meaning that he still has the same frazzled mind that will find it very hard to manage without Cyndy whose feet have always been very firmly planted on the ground. She’s been his rock and a woman of deep faith. My dad is the red balloon high in the sky, floating above the trees. If she lets go and leaves us, I fear that my dad will just float away…Dear God, help them now as they wait and hold on to each other.